Friday, March 14, 2014

Last Day

The house is quiet.  LeLe is sprawled on the guest bed behind me, sighing as she stretches and wakes up, pleased that she has the entire bed to herself.  I hear Cora's sound machine, but her room is quiet and dark otherwise... we've been keeping her up later and later each night to help with the upcoming jetlag, so she may not wake for another hour or more.  Our bags are mostly packed.  A few more things in, a few things out, and they will be ready for the final zip. And just like that, here we are: Our last day home.

The day before we leave for China.  My last day in our own home as a stay-at-home mama of my ONE feisty and sweet little girl. 

 Cora with her next-door-neighbor/best friend/future husband, Presley.  Not wearing Scarlet Threads aprons.  What kind of business owner am I?!

We're feeling lots of BIG feelings these days.  Excitement, nervousness, anticipation, a smidge of fear, joy, and thankfully most of all for me, peace.  But today there's another feeling in there, and I think I want to stop and feel it for a while.  Bittersweet.

I'm getting another daughter in just a few days... so sweet.
Today is Cora's last day at home with just her mama... a little bitter.



It isn't that I'm not excited about the way our family will take shape in the coming weeks and months, but it's the end of the season in our life when our family looks the way it does right now.  And I do love the way our little family looks right now.  So I'm holding these two feelings at the same time -- ecstatic at where this journey is taking us and joyfully anticipating meeting my newest chickadee, and mourning, if you will, the end of a season I've truly treasured... our quiet little life as a family of three.  I've been thinking about the ups and downs, the way my sweet girl has changed me as a woman and made me a mama, and I just want to celebrate what a remarkable little girl she has become. 

So today I'm setting the packing aside.  I'm going to go to the park and swing with my girl.  We'll probably get ice cream.  I want to do puzzles in her room and have a tea party.  Maybe we will make snakes with play dough and blow bubbles in the back yard.  I hope she'll sit with me on the couch and let me read a book or two or three to her.  I'm going to try and get her to help me vacuum and tidy up our home so that our house-sitter is welcomed to a pleasant retreat, but if those things don't happen, I know they won't matter half as much as spending time with my girl.

Drawing a picture of her WHOLE family.

She's about to be a big sister.  She knows this as well as any three-year-old can, drawing pictures of Alea in our family and talking about our upcoming trip to China to get her.  She's worried about Alea eating her toys and having to share, but I see her heart growing in tenderness and anticipation.  At a store the other day, she saw a little Asian girl about Alea's size and loudly shouted, "Look mom! It's Alea!"

She's about to be a big sister, but today she's just my only little girl... and today I'm going to pour as much as I can into her because I know it is the last day her life is going to look the way it does right now, and change is never easy.  But through it all, I'm going to remember that while today might be the last day, tomorrow is the first day of something grand... the start of our journey to becoming a family of four.

-------

We leave for China tomorrow.  We're spending a week in Beijing visiting friends (and doing some Scarlet Threads work!) before traveling to Alea's hometown to meet and adopt her on the 24th.  I hope to be able to blog while we're there, so if you want to follow along with our journey, please check back here over the next three weeks!

1 comment:

  1. Carrie, I so remember those same feelings the last week I spent at home with just my one little one. She was a tiny bit younger than your girl at the time...
    So excited for you to welcome Alea into your lives, and I so understand the changes to come. Praying for you all!

    ReplyDelete